Letters without answers
by KeRiZaReT
Summary: The Incident changed everything. One decision of one Person which tipped the balance. Sakura still can't reconcile with it. The only things that bring her relief are her letters. Only in them can she clearly express her feelings and find peace of mind. Although she knows she will never get an answer.


**Disclaimer: I do not own _'Naruto'_ or any characters created by Masashi Kishimoto that appear in this story.**

**Quick author's note: I am quite new to writing and this is my first work here, so any form of advice or constructive criticism is welcome! I want to improve my writing skills as much as I possibly can, so do not be afraid to give sincere opinions, both those good and bad. **

**Also, quite frankly, English is not my native language and this fic is a translation of ****_my original work_**** in Polish.** **Please take that into consideration while reading and reviewing.****Enjoy!**

* * *

_'Konoha, the day of the Incident_

_I still can't accept your decision. I... I know you did it for all of us, but it still seems unfair to me. I understand that you had to leave. Set out on a journey you couldn't take me on._

_But it hurts! I want to pull my hair out and cry in the corner as soon as I realize that if only I was stronger, if only I would hurry up...! Maybe then all this would not happen!_

_The worst thing is that I knew it would happen. Or at least I got signs that it was very possible. I heard you say that, after all! But... but I hoped that maybe you won't have to! That maybe everything will work out and you won't have to do it! And what did it give me? Only that I am suffering because of this hope right now._

_In addition, I feel that not everything will be the same now. Actually, why should it be? After something like that, nothing can be the same. Without you around, probably each of us will slowly change, especially those closest to you; those who cared about you the most. Only the future will show what exactly will be different. I trust that it won't be me. At least not in a bad way._

_You're reading it, right? Wherever you went, you will remember me? Will you forgive me my weakness? Answer, please! I know you can't keep in touch with us anymore, but I will still keep writing. I hope these letters reach you._

_And you... if you read them, give me a sign. Even the smallest one. Please. Maybe then I will finally find some inner peace._

_Yours,  
__Sakura'_

* * *

Sakura put down her pen and wiped away her tears. She couldn't cry now. He certainly doesn't want it. She folded the written page and put it in the envelope. However, she didn't write the name of the person it was meant for. There was no need for it. He will know it's to him. She got up from the desk and headed for the exit from her room. On her way, she took a branch of cherry blossom, prepared specially for this occasion, from a nearby jug.

She had to hurry. She couldn't be late for his final departure.

* * *

**_"I am reading this"_**

* * *

_'Konoha, a week after the Incident_

_Your name is taboo now, you know? I wonder if I can take this as a sign from you, although I find it difficult to say. I don't think so, though. Probably it's simply difficult for everyone to say this one short word. Mainly because after that there is a long, awkward silence. It's hard for us to talk about you, and just remembering you dramatically changes the atmosphere. That's why we decided not to use your name. Your family name too, actually, even though you are not the only person from this clan. But everyone knows who we're talking about are at once. It's probably the main thing that makes us feel that way. We can't turn our thoughts away from you. So maybe not talking about you literally will help us...?_

_Are you angry? I'm guessing probably yes. To be honest, I'm not surprised. After all, your goal wasn't to be so brutally erased from our lives. I'd say it was the exact opposite. Personally, I would feel terrible - as if someone took an important part of me so that others would feel better. And I wouldn't be able to say anything about that._

_I know I sound like a hypocrite now. What I said only makes my situation even worse than earlier. But I can't help it! I can't even write your name because my hand is shaking so much, just as when I'm trying to say it my voice is trembling. I can't even address the letter to you anymore, as you can see; I start it right away from the text. Just doing it brings back too many memories that I know will never happen again. Even a normal walk together or simply saying "hello" is no longer possible for us. I miss those moments. And they don't allow me to come to terms with it yet. With what happened two days ago._

_I am so disappointed in myself._

_But you know what's the worst? I'm afraid that along with your name, the memory of you will also start to disappear. I don't want this, oh how much I don't want to! Although I know that it is not possible - not after what you did - but I am still afraid. And that's why I promise you that if it will ever become possible, I won't let it happen! This is the only thing I can do for you, except for these letters. You'll see, you'll be remembered for a long time._

_Yours,  
__Sakura'_

* * *

She looked at the last few written sentences for a moment.

_'A promise, huh? That's not enough. Words alone are not enough.'_

She bit her finger and let one drop of blood fall on the paper, next to her signature. She pressed her thumb to the letter there, sealing her oath. Waiting for her red "seal" to dry, she healed her finger with Medic Ninjutsu. Then she got up and left the house to deliver her message.

* * *

**_"I am not angry"_**

* * *

_'Konoha, a month after the Incident_

_We're talking less and less about you. I think they want to forget or just stop worrying about it so much. To be completely honest, I understand them. If we sink into memories of what has already happened and what won't come again, we will never be able take a step forward. And we must go further. We have to show future generations what we can do. They cannot see us as people who, after one such Incident, curl up and cry in the corner, bringing nothing further into their lives. We have to be strong; show the next generation that they are not descendants of some weaklings!_

_Despite this, I will continue to write to you. And not as a sign of weakness. Just... doing it feels like you're still here with me in some inexplicable way. And you know? It helps me. It gives me new strength to live and even brings a smile to my face. An honest one. Can you understand that? Finally, I smile sincerely again! Some people may think it's nothing, but you can't even imagine how much it lifts my spirits after I couldn't do it for so long. I believe it changes people. Both me and everyone around. I feel like I am a sun that, with its rays, slowly causes seeds of hope to sprout in others. This is a great thing! Although you probably already know it. But I'm still grateful to you because it's all thanks to you._

_This doesn't mean, of course, that I don't miss you already. I still wish that you would come back. Or at least that I could know what's happening to you right now. Are you happy? No... what kind of a question is that? Of course you're not. Nobody would be in your situation. Forgive me for that. But, I just want you to be happy. Just like before. Is it bad?_

_Anyway, I finally started getting more difficult and interesting missions. Tomorrow, I am going on a longer one to Sunagakure, so I probably won't write for a long time. I'm sorry for this. However, I think you will understand that. Right?_

_Yours,  
__Sakura_

_P.S. You probably already got bored of all the cherry blossoms that I always attach to the letters. Today will be the last time, at least for now. I'll try to give some different ones next time.'_

* * *

The girl sighed and stretched. It took a long time for her to write these letters. She looked at her watch. It was 10 pm. She yawned, realizing how tired she was. She decided to deliver the letter the next day. She only changed the word "tomorrow" in the information about going on a mission to "today". After that, she turned off the lamp and went to sleep. She had to be in top shape for this task.

* * *

**_"I understand you"_**

* * *

_'Konoha, two months after the Incident_

_Recently, I can't find the right flowers for you. I am running out of cherry blossoms, daisies and white chrysanthemums. You probably don't know it and you wouldn't even notice it, but each flower has its own meaning. Their colors can also express something different. Just like roses; the red ones mean love while the white ones - noble feelings and innocence. Ino taught me that when we were little. I know that it wouldn't matter to you, but I wouldn't give you flowers that mean something bad. Even if you wouldn't know about it._

_All the ones that grow in my area are not suitable. There are almost only daffodils and hyacinths. While the former symbolize jealousy, unrequited love, self-confidence and selfishness, the latter mean distress over the behavior of the other person. They don't quite express what I want to tell you. Some time ago maybe I could give you hyacinths, but now I stopped feeling that way. I understand what you have done and I am proud of you._

_I could go pick them somewhere else, but I don't feel good about it. Imagine if someone saw me do it. The questions for who they are and so on would start immediately. And if I told them why I needed them, I would have to listen to these long conversations again, how I should stop thinking about you so much and forget about it. Especially Kakashi-sensei. Ugh, how they all don't understand it!_

_And it would be even worse if I went to buy them in the store. Ino wouldn't leave me alone in my life. The more that she knows the most about flowers of all of us. And as a gossipmonger she is, she would definitely blurt everything out right away. I don't want this. Our... "conversations" should remain only between us._

_So I was thinking about something else. Although it is again associated with Ino. Haha, I would never have thought I'd write so much about her. But if she found out that I was doing something like that, she would probably murder me. But I still think I will start to implement this plan._

_I think... I'll start stealing flowers from her garden. I know, I know, you wouldn't support it. But I'll leave her money for it. Even more ryō than these flowers would normally cost. I just want us to be a secret. Is this selfish of me?_

_I will probably start with single flowers. At the beginning cloves will go as an expression of my gratitude. Then I plan forget-me-nots - so that you always remember me and know that I will always remember you. If I don't get caught for a long time, I'll start trying something harder and make bouquets of different flowers. That way I'll be able to tell you more in one go. Wish me luck._

_And you? If you were to give me some flowers, what would they be? I would like to know how you feel._

_Yours,  
__Sakura'_

* * *

She put the letter in the holster and walked over to the window with the intention of starting her plan. She couldn't leave at this time through the main door. It would be suspicious since it was 11 pm and she wasn't called anywhere. She jumped outside, transforming into some random citizen.

Walking slowly toward the florist of the Yamanaka family, she smiled slightly, thinking about the last part of her letter.

"Him? What would he give me? After all, his feelings could change. Would I get a bouquet of red roses? Or maybe daffodils? Or something completely unrelated to feelings? Who knows him, I have never been able to figure him out, anyway."

* * *

**_"Violets - an expression of longing, hidden love and loyalty."_**

* * *

_'Konoha, four and a half months after the Incident_

_Ino begins to suspect something. I already had to change the time when I steal flowers 5 times so that she wouldn't find out. I feel like it won't last long. Although two and a half months is a good result. At first she didn't notice anything (apart from the money appearing "out of nowhere") and only after about three weeks she realized that she was running out of plants. Well, I'll keep doing this until she catches me._

_Besides that, everyone is doing well. We rarely mention you now. Virtually not at all. Everyone moved on with their lives. I am proud of them. You probably are, too. Kakashi-sensei has recently been offered the role of the Hokage, but he decisively refused. Tsunade-sama tried to convince him, but he was adamant. There was no chance he would accept the hat and cloak. I think I know why. After what happened during the Incident, he no longer looks at this function the same. It's also because of you. It seems that Tsunade-sama will have to deal a bit more with all the paperwork._

_Recently, I have started to feel guilty again. I still wonder what would happen if I wasn't so weak before. If I wasn't just crying and actually training to be able to stand on an equal footing with you. To be able to support you. I have thousands of scenarios in my head, and every time fate is more favourable to you. I can't help feeling that you are partly in your current situation because of me. And that it is my fault that I suffer now._

_That's why I've recently devoted myself to training. To be stronger. So that I won't have to experience something like the Incident again. In order to be able to save my loved ones from cruel fate next time, whatever it may be. Will it be danger, death, betrayal, exile, loneliness, isolation... I will not let others suffer because of this anymore. And maybe thanks to that I won't suffer either._

_Please, give me strength! Wherever you are, whatever you do, whatever you think of me now... I don't need the support of neither teachers, Kakashi and Tsunade, nor my friends. I need you. Give me a sign, just like at the beginning! Let me not feel so lonely in my thoughts. So that I wouldn't have to suffer alone again._..

_Only you can understand me now. That's why it's only you that I'm now asking! I will wait for the sign._

_Yours,  
__Sakura'_

* * *

Haruno stared at the tear that had just fallen from her face on the note. The drop got soaked in the paper, smearing the still drying ink. She pulled herself away and quickly wiped her face so as not to smear the text more. However, her eyes wouldn't stop. The more she tried to stop her crying, the more the tears began to flow.

She couldn't take it anymore.

She threw herself on the bed, hiding her face in the pillow and screaming at it. Her body was shaking from salty drops dropped every now and then.

"I don't understand... I thought... I had accepted it already..." she sobbed quietly. She preferred her parents not to hear that.

"So why... why does it hurt so much again? Why do I suddenly want him so much with me? Why... why am I still so weak...?"

* * *

**_"You are and have always been strong to me"_**

* * *

_'Konoha, six months after the Incident_

_Already half a year. You aren't here for exactly half a year. I haven't seen your face for half a year. I haven't heard your voice for half a year. I am praying for your happiness for half a year. For half a year I'm wishing for you to be with us again._

_Sometimes I look at the calendar and think how fast the time flies. At other times I wonder why it all takes so long. But six months is a lot. During that time I was celebrating my eighteenth birthday, about two weeks ago. Everyone threw a great party for me, for which I am extremely grateful. We all had a great time._

_But for me, you were missing there._

_Over the past month and a half, it has started to bother me more and more. As if I woke up suddenly and only now I really realized that you aren't here with us. As if I opened my eyes suddenly and looked at the real world, not just at the darkness of my thoughts. For a long time I couldn't understand why this happened. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. My parents worry about me because I sleep badly. That's because I'm thinking about you all night. About what made me miss you so much now._

_Is this the sign from you? The one I asked for? I don't know anymore. Is something wrong with me? I don't think so. What exactly do I feel? And what makes me feel it? These questions circulate my mind at every possible moment. Whenever I have free time, I am looking for answers._

_Three days ago I finally found it. Then I finally realized what was burning me so much from the inside. What causes this feeling of longing._

_I didn't think I'd ever feel like it. Nothing prepared me for the thought that came to me when I woke up that morning. But I couldn't tell you that. "Not here. Not now." - I told myself._

_But today I felt something different. Today I felt the need to go and confess it to you. That's why I'm going to you. Now. As soon as I finish writing this. I can't take it anymore. I'll tell you that personally._

_In a place, where I'm sure you can hear me. Where I am sure of your presence. Where you are._

_Wait for me there._

_See you soon,  
__Sakura'_

* * *

The pink-haired girl finished writing and looked at the text again. Satisfied, with her mind made up, she whistled three times. Shortly afterwards her personal postal bird flew into her room, exposing it's foot for her to give it a message to deliver. Sakura put a letter into his claws and whispered something. After a while the bird flew out with the message, leaving her alone.

The girl took a deep breath and left the room. She headed down the stairs, into the living room, and then straight to the exit.

"Mom, dad, I'm leaving!" she announced and ran outside without waiting for an answer.

* * *

**_"I'm waiting for you"_**

* * *

Sakura walked quickly along the crowded streets of Konoha. People occasionally waved or greeted her, but she answered them only out of politeness. All she really wanted was to be there already. Nothing else interested her now. However, having her authority in the Village and being the chief medic there, she had to act accordingly.

She quickened her pace.

Passing by the flower garden of the Yamanaka family, someone suddenly grabbed her hand. She turned just to face Ino, looking at her suspiciously.

"Wait a minute, Sakura."

"What do you want, Ino? As you can see, I'm in a hurry now."

"Oh no, my dear. I'm going with you."

"What? Why would I agree to that? These are my private matters. It has nothing to do with you."

"Yes, it does, actually" suddenly a sly smile appeared on her face instead of a grimace of anger "I have to make sure he is worth all those stolen flowers."

"Wh-what?"

"You didn't think I wouldn't guess at last? Who else would steal but leave money? Only you are honest enough. Besides, I've seen you steal flowers from my garden a few times. I need to make sure that the boy you are dating is worth this act and you doing it. If I think so, I will forgive you, but if I don't, you'll have to supply me with as many flowers as you took!"

Yamanaka daydreamed and talked all over, not paying attention to the fact that her friend tensed. They started walking slowly.

"It must be someone really good. You know, I didn't think you'd find someone so quickly. And sooner than me! To be honest, I thought you wouldn't be looking for someone new after what happened six months ago. Of all of us, you seemed to be the most devastated. I'm glad you're over it. Although if you want to show him what he means to you, I would choose other flowers. Because really, cloves? You can do better than that. Hey, by the way. Do i know him?"

Sakura said nothing. At the same time, she tried to figure out how to explain everything to the blonde. She clenched her fists.

"Hm? You don't want to tell me? Come on, don't be shy! Is that Lee? He always liked you a lot."

No response. The pink-haired girl just tensed even more.

"No? So Kiba?" nothing "Shino? Shikamaru? Sai? Don't tell me it's Chōji!"

On Sakura's face, uncertainty and nervousness were clearly visible now. She wasn't looking at the blue-eyed. It seemed suspicious to Ino.

"Sakura?"

_'How should I tell her that?'_ Haruno thought frantically _'Should I tell her we're going...'_

"Sakura?! Don't tell me you're secretly dating Sasuke!" Ino grabbed her friend by the shoulders "You know that he was banished from the Village for his crimes! We have no right to hang out with him anymore!"

"No, it's not like that! I... I don't know how to explain it to you, Ino...! Just... come with me. Then you will understand."

The Yamanaka looked at her rival uncertainly, but nodded. Sakura continued on until they finally reached the less-frequented part of Konohagakure. The pink-haired girl began to go in the direction very well-known to the blonde. Soon they were crossing an entrance gate.

"Seriously, what kind of a meeting place is this?" the florist couldn't understand it "It's not romantic at all. Who would want to see each other in such a pla-"

Then she realized what was really going on.

"Oh no. No no no no. Sakura, we've talked about it! I thought you gave it a rest already?! Do you realize that this is not good for you?! Don't you remember what Kakashi-sensei said?"

She took her companion's hand.

"I know, Ino!" Haruno immediately pulled her hand out "But I have to tell him something important! I realized this recently and he must know about it!"

"Sakura, HE IS DEAD!"

The green-eyed girl stopped at these words. The other woman covered her mouth with her hand.

"S-Sakura, I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to sound like that..."

"So what if he is dead?" she interrupted her.

"Wh-what?"

"So what if he is dead?!" the pink-haired woman asked louder "Does that mean I can't visit him?! I can't go thank him for everything he did for me?! I can't..." tears started running down her cheeks "I can't tell him how I feel?!"

"W-well, you can, but..."

"But what?! That I go to him almost every day?! That sometimes I write damn letters to him to express how I feel when I can't put it into words or when I don't have much time for him?! Yes, I do it! And I will do it because you have no right to forbid me! Because how do you know, maybe he is here with us?! Maybe he is watching us?! Maybe he is sad that he can no longer be with us?! At least we should show him that we still remember him! But I think I'm the only one doing it!"

She ran away from her friend, following a route between the gravestones that she already knew by heart. To stand by this particular one. To visit him again and complain to him. Because only he listened to her. Only he always patiently waited until she finished complaining about everything and didn't comment on anything. Only he always supported her and she knew that he understood her.

She stopped. Breathing heavily after a quick run, she turned her face to the honorable tombstone, dedicated to her best friend. She squatted and ran her fingers over his engraved name, looking at the photo of a smiling blonde placed next to it.

『うずまき ナルト』  
『Uzumaki Naruto』

Next to it was a vase of flowers, now full of lilies and forget-me-nots. Leaning on it was the letter she had written that day, delivered by her bird and held by a stone so that it would not fly away. She looked again at the last paragraphs. She stood up and looked around.

"You're here, right? Were you waiting for me?"

All she heard was a whistle of wind, which blew her loose, short hair. She didn't take her Hitai-ate with her, so nothing kept her fringe that she had recently tried to comb aside. She brushed away the unruly strands and smiled sadly.

For some reason she knew he was here.

She reached into her pocket. She took out her longest letter - the only one she had never given to it's addressee. The one she wrote three days earlier, when she understood everything, but decided not to leave it on the tombstone. The letter it was now finally time to read.

_"Do you remember what happened six months ago?"_ it began _"It was your seventeenth birthday, right? You fought with Sasuke at the time so that the scales would finally fall from his eyes. So that he would return to the Village at last..."_

At that moment Ino reached her friend. Panting, she looked at her pleadingly.

"Sakura... I..."

_"I wasn't with you at that time,"_ the called girl continued, ignoring the presence of the Yamanaka and not even looking at her.

_"Why? Because I was weak. So much so that Sasuke managed to trap me in a genjutsu without a problem. Therefore, when your fight was over, I didn't manage to come in time to heal you. I barely woke up at the time and I still had to reach you._

_"But you... you didn't think about yourself then. Maybe I wasn't there, but Sasuke told us everything. About how after your conversation you managed to change him. How when I didn't come for a long while, you realized that you didn't have more time. How despite the pain and one arm torn off, you crawled to his other side, you joined your healthy hands yourself, because he couldn't move and you made the rat seal. How you used the last remnant of your chakra to cancel the Infinite Tsukuyomi technique and free everyone. How before you closed your eyes again and for the last time, you asked him to tell us to leave Kurama free. How despite his calls, you didn't look at him again. How... h-how..."_ her voice broke. _"...how you died with a smile on your face just before his eyes..."_

Ino was shocked. She had never heard this story before. The details of this fight were decided to be kept only between the five Kage and the members of Team 7. Now that she finally knew, she was about to cry, so she could only imagine how the green-eyed might feel. She wanted to hug her for support, but Sakura stopped her. Instead, she grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. For the feeling that someone is supporting her somehow. She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

_"W-when I got to you,"_ she continued reading, _"he was still trying to wake you up. I ran as fast as I could. He immediately made me focus only on you. He was shouting at me, begging me to hurry up. But... but as soon as I focused my chakra and wanted to start healing you... I felt that there was no point whatsoever. That it is too late. Sasuke began to shout at me again when I turned away without a word from you and began to heal him. I couldn't focus, so I gave him a sedative._

_"When he lost consciousness, and I stabilized his condition so that he wasn't in danger of dying anymore... Only then I finally allowed myself to cry. I remember it vaguely. I know I was crying and screaming, blaming myself for how weak I was and how it happened because of me. I hugged your body, wanting to feel the rest of the warmth that it always emanated. Wishing that you would suddenly wake up, like it was just another one of your jokes. I sat there until Kakashi-sensei came down to us and calmed me down, saying that we must take you back to Konoha. All the processes and storytelling took place there. But I wasn't interested. I was furious and devastated. I felt like shouting at Sasuke that he had let it all happen and at myself that I had done nothing._

_"Since then, this fight has been called "the Incident". Sasuke was banished from the Village for his crimes and was forbidden to return here. He accepted the punishment without hesitation, probably also internally depressed, and left immediately after the funeral of all those who had died in the war... including yours. Everyone was devastated. And I... I didn't know what to think. That's when I wrote the first letter to you and left it on your grave during the ceremony. I realized that it helps me organize my thoughts a lot. I felt like I was talking to you._

_"I started doing it more often. I usually left them with you for one day, and then I came and burnt them. And then it seemed to me that along with the smoke that was being created and was flying up, the words I wrote were also flying. And in heaven, where I know you are, you listened to them._

_"Long after that I contemplated what I should think now. I could no longer forgive Sasuke for what he did. I didn't think the same way about him anymore. The longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I had already stopped feeling something about him before. That I was just telling myself that I still loved him, while he really slowly stopped being the person who stole my heart. At the end of the war, he was no longer my dream. The Incident only convinced me to it and allowed me to see it. To be aware of what my heart has been trying to tell me for so long._

_"Recently, however, about four months after your fight, I suddenly felt something. Out of nowhere, I realized how much I miss you. How much I want you to be with me and comfort me, as you have always done. How much I want to see your smile again. This feeling intensified with each passing day, and I didn't know what it meant. I began to have dreams about you. At times, I started to see your face in the images of other people. I didn't know what was going on. Was I staring to become crazy?_

_"Only now did I realize what I really felt. I don't understand how I could be so stupid not to get it right away. But now that I know... I think you should probably know, too."_

_"I…"_

Sakura looked from above the paper and turned her emerald eyes to the sky, which, as if wanting to cut off access to her addressee, was almost all clouded. Only through a few openings did the rays of the sun fall on her face and reflected in the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. And she, finally feeling the strength within her to confess it, stretched out her arms to heaven like a small child and called out:

_"I love you, Uzumaki Naruto!"_

* * *

**_"…"_**

**_"I…"_**

**_"I love you too, Sakura-chan..."_**


End file.
